Conversations with A
I)
N: Do you think success is a measure of one’s competence?
A: At some level, yeah. Far from being the only measure, though. And what we’re competent at determines what we’ll succeed at too. Too many variables at play. What prompts the question?
N: Just generally thinking about things. It always starts with ‘bhagwan job kab milega, please jaldi mil jaye’ and goes to the state of affairs and all this vague crap.
A: Tell me about it. I’ve been feeling I’ll never get a job. Academically bhi feeling stuck. No idea what to do for my MPhil, let alone PhD.
You’re pretty resourceful. You’ve already worked on and off. Mil jayegi naukri. People far less capable and qualified than us have gotten employed so I’m sure we’ll manage.
N: Something will happen uska chinta nahi hai. I’ll manage. Chinta ye hai ki jo main chahta hoon wo hoga ya nahi.
A: What you want will have changed by the time you get there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
II)
N: I think life is a little more agonizing than usual for ‘us’ because we don’t really believe in usual escapism mechanisms like religion and blaming parents/government. We put so much pressure on our ‘selves’ and that’s where the problem lies. Who do we turn to if not ourselves to ask questions about our fate/purpose?
A: That’s a good point. At some point we do have to take responsibility for the way our lives are going, blaming authorities who should have done more (parents/state in your example) serves no effective purpose, even if it’s legitimate blame. I had been thinking of it a few days in terms of the the general way our society is arranged. Why is there such pervasive despair and hopelessness in a lot of young adults? There is no meaningful direction to most of our lives. No purpose, no excitement. Just the pressure to land a job and become a somewhat autonomous function in the economy. And while I can’t deny that I would very much like that kind of autonomy for myself I admit it seems pretty fucking awful as life in toto.
Put another way, where is the line between some kind of individualistic stoic self-reliance (an ideology definitely produced by capitalism) and seeking genuine points of criticism and highlighting systemic failures to supply the minimum necessary framework for a meaningful existence?
The total disenchantment of the world and the exhaustion of its possibilities is not something we single-handedly can take responsibility for, I mean. I feel the pressure to be quickly employed since I am, in effect, sheer waste unless I’m earning. But at the same time the fulfilment of societal obligations is not in itself a recipe for happiness. Life wouldn’t feel it sucks so much if there were something other than endless, meaningless competition and drudgery to look forward to. Armchair sociology: I suspect a lot of people turn to marriage/relationships because they often supply the deficit of meaning in the world. It gives you a sphere where you have *some* element of control over your life and where your thoughts, feelings, and decisions *matter*. Only in the “personal” sphere (among friends, family) are you a full human being. Outside of that we are instrumental functions.
N: You do have a point about the personal sphere being a refuge for most. And even if we don’t analyze it in a socio sense, life just seems a little more bearable with someone/ some people. Some people find their significant others in marriage, some in friendship, and some keep looking (@me). Point is that a sense of collective is what drives society in general. We literally had a course on individual and society ffs.
N: Main to billi paal lunga, uske saamne baithke wine peete peete Office dekhta rahoonga. Jab wo kabhi kabhi idhar udhar ghoomegi, tab mujhe lagega ki meri zindagi me koi hai. :(
A: Yeah. Community has been pretty undermined in the last few centuries, lol. It’s pretty weird how utterly meaningless and soul-sucking work has become given that it is valorized as the sphere of achievement. It’s just wage labour for the most part.
A: Dogs are more affectionate than cats tbh.
N: I like cats.
A: Well, cats it is, then.
